She's like a pop up book from hell.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
