yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
