Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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