Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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