Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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