In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
