Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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