I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
