No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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