Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
