I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
