You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
