We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
