he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just found a bag of teeth...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
