So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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