Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We left the knife in your bed.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
