Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
