Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
