I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize