You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
