Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
