And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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