i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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