Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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