Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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