I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Let's get the cat blown out
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
