Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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