Duck Duck Cougar?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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