Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
