Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Randomize
