Christians are straight up FREAKS
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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