Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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