i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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