i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
When did angry sex become our thing?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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