every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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