i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
