They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
