It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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