He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
