Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
