she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
