I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
