i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
