he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
