Michael Bay diarrhea
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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