Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
