I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
