shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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