I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
