Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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