Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
sex in a hospital.. check
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
