I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
