I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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