If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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