Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
