I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
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