So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
