sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
