you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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