Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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