I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
