Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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