are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
