Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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