just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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