Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
