remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize