OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
