My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
