I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
