I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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