so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
